


No More Mistakes

by the_freak_is_unleashed



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-18 10:38:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5925439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_freak_is_unleashed/pseuds/the_freak_is_unleashed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan let emotion take control. It won't happen again!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a fanfic. I hope you enjoy!

No More Mistakes

Chapter 1

As she walked into the court room she could feel the eyes of Ms Westfall and Mr Fletcher burning into her. HA! Little did they know Joan knew she was safe, sure she had let emotion take a hold of her for a little while, but certainly not long enough for her to be careless. She looked over to Channing and Vera, poor poor Vera, she had meant to be just a pawn in Joan’s game. Joan had no idea she would grow to be attached to Vera, that is the one regret she had. It wasn't Vera getting hurt, or that the deputy had been infected with such a disease, but that she had let herself fall for such a weak and pathetic person. Had she learnt nothing from her father?

She looked at the jury as she sat down and put on her best humble face. She then turned to the ‘audience’ with her head held high as she listened to what the judge had to say. It then came to the moment she had been waiting for . “Members of the jury, will you please stand? Have you come to a unanimous verdict?” “Yes, your honour we have. On account of second degree arson,” The spokesman cleared his throat, looked at Joan, and with the most miniscule of movements twitched his lips into a small smile, too small for people to notice, but Joan knew it was there. “We find the defendant.....not guilty!” She could hear the gasps of horror coming from Fletcher and Ms Westfall. She listened as one by one she was found not guilty to the charges brought against her. She looked over to Fletcher who by now was screaming at the judge and jury in frustration and disgust. She saw Ms Westfall sitting silently staring at her, Joan couldn’t resist, and pursed her lips into a tight smug smile.

After all they had done to see her brought down, they had failed. Sure it had cost Joan both financially and she had been forced to call in a lot of favours, but she was now free. Now it was time to show those bastards what happens when you mess with Joan Ferguson. Only this time she would listen to her father, this time emotion would not take control. Revenge would......


	2. chapter 2 of 'No More Mistakes'

It had been three days since Joan had been cleared and it had been a whirlwind full of phone calls and press interviews. She didn’t usually speak to the press but this was for the greater good she needed them on her side. She needed to play the victim to the justice system if she was ever to get the governorship for Wentworth back and that is what she wanted. God did she want that more than anything. All of the calls and interviews had been leading to this moment. She was about to sit in front of the board to discuss her future and find out what they wanted to do.

Joan Ferguson sat at the end of the table once again, of course the last time she had been here it was because of Bea Smith. She was ambushed the last time she was here. Of course things were things were different now, the press and the public were hugely behind her now. After all, she was the governor who had risked her own life to protect a baby from an inmate who was so determined to kill the infant. The inmate killed a guard, locked herself in the basement and set the prison on fire, just to kill this child and 'give her peace'. Yes of course Joan had to restrain her, and in the process, the inmate tried to wiggle out to get the child. The restraints wound around her neck as Joan was trying to find a way out of the burning building. This ended with the accidental strangle and asphyxiation of the inmate . Well that’s what the court had been told, anyway. Of course Vera had withdrawn the report that she had given to the board about Joan’s treatment of Fletcher, Jodie Spiteri and Lucy Gambaro. CCTV had shown that it was Gambaro’s own fault she had fallen down the stairs. Vera stood up in court and told the judge she made the report due to been manipulated by Ms Westfall who knew she was vulnerable due to her recent diagnosis. After all what choice did she have Joan had made it perfectly clear she would tell the police just what had happened to her mother. The press interviews had done there job and the board were fully behind Joan been reinstated as governor. Although it was made clear that she would be monitored very closely.

As she left the room the first genuine smile she had done in a long time crossed her lips. She would have to be careful now with the board watching her. But now the fun could begin. Now they would find out just how far Joan Ferguson could go........


	3. chapter 3 of 'No More Mistakes'

Chapter 3: No more mistakes

Joan sat in her car, checked her bun to see if it were tight, her tie straight and got out. This was it, this was the moment she had waited for. It had been six months since she last stepped foot in Wentworth it, felt strange. She could see the guards looking at her, probably wondering if there could be any truth in what Fletcher had said in court, if what Mr Jackson had said about her having a relationship with a prisoner was true. “Keep calm Joan don’t let them beat you this time.” her father was walking by her side, doing just what she needed him to, offering reassurance. She raised her head, straightened her back, and walked past offering a brief nod as recognition. She could do this, she had to do this. All she had ever wanted was for Will Jackson to recognize what he had done, what he had put her Jianna through and now she, SHE! Had been treated like the monster, like the freak.  
Back in her office, she looked at the clock , it was 7:25 in the morning. In five minutes ,she had to go to her first staff briefing, introduce herself to the new staff members. One replaced Matthew Fletcher's position, and a few others who had handed in their notice when it was announced Joan would be returning as governor. Will and Vera surprised her, they had decided to continue, due to the fact that they would both find it extremely difficult to get a job in any other prison. Will’s history of letting a prisoner escape would taint his record forever. As for Vera, she was just coming back from suspension too after threatening to toss Gambaro down the stairs and no doubt her medical status would do her no favours on the job front. Joan contemplated and had to know, would Vera still be as pathetic after everything she had been through or would she finally have developed a back bone? It was time to find out.

The new Governor kept the meeting relatively brief. At the end she informed the staff that Vera Bennett was to be promoted back to her position as the deputy governor, effective immediately. The look on Vera’s face pleased Joan instantly. She still had it, she could still install fear into Vera, there was hope! She informed staff that the inmates had taken control for far too long, therefore, once again her prison was rife with drugs. She was going to end it once and for all. She closed the meeting by asking Miss Miles to come to her office immediately and Vera was to be there in 10 minutes.

Ferguson glanced at her dad, “Show time.” he mouthed to her. Linda knocked on the door. “Enter.” Joan said in her authoritative voice. “Ah Miss Miles, I wanted to have a quick chat, clear the air, make my position clear. I am now well aware of the little deal you have going on with the prisoners, particularly Bea Smith. I know you changed the name on the records when I asked you to check who entered my office. I also know you told Vera that I wouldn't give in to the prisoners demands. We both know what I am capable of. Let me make this clear, the only person you do favours for is me and if you want any kind of career, the deals with the inmates stop unless they are to my advantage.” The tall, black haired woman sat on the edge of her desk glaring at Linda. Leaning forward, and right into Linda’s ear she whispered menacingly but calmly .“Don’t piss me off again. Don’t go against me again. Because, we both know... I can get away with murder. Now get out.” Linda stood immediately, nodded, lowered her head and left. Now it was time for Vera. This needed to be handled differently, a threat would not work with her. For this, Joan needed to attack Vera from the inside out. She had to shatter what little self worth Vera had left. And she knew just how to do it.......


	4. chapter 4 of 'No More Mistakes'

No More Mistakes 

Chapter 4

This was it, watching the CCTV, she could see Vera coming down the hall heading towards her office. Her long fingers rubbed her stomach trying to calm the butterflies that felt like they were going to burst out. “Get it together Joan for goodness sake!” The governor scolded herself. Serious doubt had crept in... could she do this to the one person she had ever felt something for since...since Jianna. Her mind thought back to the times she had spent with Vera, the drinks after work where she more often than not gave Vera rather large shots of vodka, because seeing her little mouse become carefree caused her so much joy. They had laughed, joked and rid the stresses of the day so many times together in this very office. Joan noticed she had a daft grin on her face whilst reminiscing. “Stop that.” Her father yelled at her. “Remember what she did to you Joan! Your letting your emotions take control again! .” Her father was right, yes there had been good times but more recently it had just been full of treachery. Vera had tried her best to bring Joan down, she had sided with that neanderthal Fletch, she reported her and tried to get her governorship removed. The raging anger built up inside Joan again, the butterflies were replaced by fire. Vera wasn’t a mouse, she was a spineless snake in the grass!

The timid knock came on the door fetching the governor back to the present. “Come in Vera.” As Vera entered the office Joan motioned for her to sit. “Governor it’s good to see you again. Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity, I promise this time I won’t let you down. My loyalties lie with you one hundred percent. You are right, we are similar.” “Stop....just stop Vera... just stop right there.” Her dark eyes burned into her deputy, she quickly remembered herself and smiled. “What happened is in the past and I trust you now that we both know where we stand on matters.” The tall woman gracefully stood and made her way around the desk and took a seat next to Vera. “ I want things to be how they used to be between us...I’ve missed our dynamics, our chats, the way we were before everything got out of control. I really am, truly sorry about what happened to you, but know this.. I never thought you would come to any serious harm..NEVER! The fact that you did hurts me deeply. I tried to tell you that night you came to my house that... that I had feelings for you. I panicked when you told me about the Hepatitis C and I was devastated! First of all for you, and secondly because I did feel I was to blame and that hurt me more than anything else that has happened over the past few months. Please Vera....will you forgive me?” As she said the last words Joan placed her hand on Vera’s and slowly caressed her knuckles. The snake took a deep breath “Of course I will. I’ve had time to think, and I know deep down you weren’t to blame. I know Bea controlled what the women did and that it was Gambaro’s twisted idea to use an infected needle. I hate them for what has happened to me. I don’t blame you. I really don’t.” Vera gazed into those deep brown eyes. Her own starting to blur and redden with tears. “ I’m so sorry for what I did to you, Governor. I understand about Jianna. We can’t help who we fall in love with.” Joan placed her hand on Vera’s cheek and gently wiped away her tears. “Dinner. Tonight. My house? Let’s go back... and maybe try the dinner again.. only this time maybe you’ll stay for the full meal.” Arrangements were made and Vera left the office much brighter and full of hope. Joan smiled at her father “Well that was easier than I thought.”

Inside though, doubt was really creeping in had Vera just admitted that she loved her? Surely not. Joan’s stomach began to churn again, she had never thought anything could happen between them Vera was straight wasn’t she? Well straight enough to jump into bed with Fletcher! Straight enough to side with him and try to get Joan to lose everything she had worked so hard for! Immediately Joan cottoned on to what Vera was doing, she was trying to play her, to ensure she was on side so that her career wouldn’t suffer and so that nobody would find out about her mother! The bare faced cheek of the woman! If Vera wants to go down this route and try to play with emotion’s this can go to a whole new level. She can not only destroy Vera’s career, which is all she has, but she can destroy and humiliate her in the most personal way possible. The snake was going to get what was coming to her and now thanks her trying to manipulate Joan’s feelings it was going to be a whole lot worse. How far could Joan push her? How far was Vera willing to go to protect herself?


	5. Chapter 5 of "No More Mistakes"

No More Mistakes 

Chapter 5

Joan sat at her desk taking in her surroundings, she had fought so hard to get back here, to be the governor once again, only now she was back it felt wrong. She looked at her walls, remembering the day she walked in and saw Jianna’s face plastered all over them...the pain she felt that day took her breath away, she hadn’t felt that heart ache since the day of Jianna’s funeral, watching the one person she loved...not just loved, she adored, admired and cherished with every part of her being, getting lowered into the ground. She had vowed from that day that she would do whatever it took to get revenge for her. To make the people who caused her death suffer, to get the ultimate revenge. Only now after everything that she had done in Jianna’s name, it was Joan herself that had caused it. A single tear escaped and ran down her cheek. “What if the way I am is nobody else’s fault? What if what I have done and what I have put people through is just because I am a monster? A freak?” Her father looked at her “You were always such a passionate child Joan, you felt emotion so easily. Look what you did to your mother! Since that day I swore I would never again let you feel emotion so deeply. You were trained by me to get the things you want from life without letting emotion take control. I told you Jianna was no good for you! That she would cause your downfall! You didn’t listen to me then and you almost lost everything. Don’t make the same mistake again Joan! You are back here to regain control. Keep your emotions in and do what needs to be done!” Her father was right. She needed to forget her emotions and show the people who hurt her that they could not treat her the way they had and walk away unscathed. Joan Ferguson would not let them!

The doorbell rang startling Joan. “Shit!” She checked the mirror one last time and decided to undo another button on her blouse it couldn’t do any harm to have a bit of cleavage on show. Looking through the spy hole she could see Vera looking round nervously, slowly chewing on her bottom lip...that lip. Joan opened the door. “Hi...I’m glad you came Vera...come on in.” As the deputy walked in she was reminded of the last time she was here, when she told the governor, her mentor, her friend that she was ill. She had been hoping for reassurance that night, she had prayed before she went to that meal that when she told Joan about the Hep C that she would take her in her arms , hold her, tell her it made no difference to her, that she could still love her. It didn’t go that way, instead Vera had left feeling hurt, dirty, and unwanted.

“ I thought I’d do streak tonight, is medium/rare ok?” The petite woman just nodded. During the first course very little was said between the two women. The tension in the room continued to build and Joan desperately tried to think of a way to stop the awkwardness that was so apparent. “ I was hoping after our chat today you would be a bit more relaxed Vera. We are moving on now and I just want to put the past behind us.” Vera looked up into the brown pools of Joan’s eyes. “ We are...I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want that to happen...it’s just the last time I was here.” She finished her second glass of wine greedily “You hurt me Joan. When I needed you the most, you took your hand from me and looked at me like I was alien to you. Despite my illness I am the same person. Actually that’s not quite true I’m stronger than I was but I’m still me.” Joan glared at her deputy, part of her wanted to say “We will see just how strong you are when I’ve taken everything away from you!” but instead she offered Vera a smile, touched her cheek and said “ I know you are Vera. I’m happy you are stronger now... I really am. I always wanted you to be strong and happy with who you are.” The two women gazed at each other and after what seemed an eternity Vera got up on her tiptoes, leaned forward and kissed Joan just at the side of her lips. Joan knew this was her chance, she leaned in and took Vera’s mouth, completely possessing every inch of it. Her long fingers gripping Vera’s hair and her tongue flicking it’s way around the smaller woman’s soft tongue.


	6. Chapter you of "No More Mistakes"

No More Mistakes  
Chapter 6  
The smell of burning filled the room, Vera looked Joan and began to laugh “ It looks like we’re having our steaks well done.” The tall woman gazed at the petite woman in front of her. “ Forget dinner. Come...” Taking Vera’s hand into hers she led the deputy upstairs. Stepping into the bedroom Vera couldn’t help but notice how bare the room was, there was a bed and wardrobe, nothing else. The walls were white and the black furniture seemed to dominate the room. Joan looked at her asking silently for permission... a quick nod was all she received, that was all she needed. She led her to the bed and sat down leaving Vera stood in front of her. Looking up she slowly unbuttoned her blouse letting her fingers just touch the bare skin they revealed, pushing the shirt off Vera’s shoulders she let her fingers tenderly stroke down her back as she removed the shirt completely. Pulling down the bra straps from her small frame her long fingers traced along the seam across the delicate lace of the bra, feeling the goosebumps rise on Vera’s skin Joan continued until she reached the back of it quickly releasing the pert breasts in front of her. The long fingers continued their tender touch until they found their way to the button and zipper on Vera’s skirt, they were unfastened easily and the skirt pooled on the floor revealing a pair of silk pants. “Something tells me you were hoping for this!” Vera blushed instantly and opened her mouth to respond but nothing of any sense came out just a few babbled words. Joan took her finger and put it on the soft lips of Vera’s mouth “shhhh.” She trailed her index finger down from the now pouting lips and trailed down to the silk, slowly skimming the rim of the pants she removed them. Sitting back Joan just stared at the woman in front of her. The naked woman flushed under the governors gaze suddenly feeling vulnerable and exposed. Joan saw the embarrassment creeping into the flushed cheeks in front of her, this turned Joan on instantly her own insides beginning to throb with excitement. “You hide so much behind your clothes Vera.” Leaning forward she kissed the slim stomach in front of her tenderly, slowly working her way up to the small breasts kissing every inch of the breast she watched as the nipples grew erect, slowly she let her tongue flick over them. Vera leaned her head back, her breathing was harsh, fast, wanting. “ Tell me what you want?” The small woman looked down quizzically. “What do you want?” repeated Joan. “Do you want to be mine?” “Yes. I want to be yours...all yours.”  
Grabbing Vera by the hips Joan cast her onto the bed and climbed in between her legs. Sliding one finger roughly inside the tight moist opening in front of her “Oh Vera....you are ready....so quickly!” Lifting Vera’s leg she trailed kisses from her ankle slowly working her way up to her knee, then planting soft kisses and licking the inside of her thighs working her way up until she reached Vera’s hard clit. She smelled exquisite! Joan could feel the heat radiating onto her face as she gently let her tongue flick over and over. Vera’s hips began to rise and fall with each touch of Joan’s tongue, sensing Vera was close she slid her finger inside her! God she was wet! She turned her finger upwards and began to circle the soft inside whilst putting more and more pressure on her clit with her tongue. Vera was beginning to beg for her to stop.....it was too intense she couldn’t handle this, she had never had an orgasm before. Joan pushed on pinning Vera down with her free hand. Vera bucked but Joan didn’t stop her assault! She carried on until she heard the satisfying scream pour from Vera’s mouth, her body going ridged as the orgasm ripped through her “Fuck!” was the only word Joan managed to interpret. That was it Vera was spent. Joan slipped her tongue inside once more just to taste her. Vera shuddered at the sensation but smiled non the less. Laying on the bed still fully dressed she let Vera lay in her arms, soon enough the even shallow breathing let Joan know it was safe to move. She slipped out of the bed and headed to her bedroom. Looking at the photo of Jianna at the side of the bed she began to weep silently. Vera was now hers but it had soiled the last memory she had of making love....to the only person she could love...Jianna.


	7. Chapter 7

No More Mistakes 

Chapter 7

Joan looked at her clock it was 5:13 am. She had seen every hour that night, as she did every night! 

For so many years she had not felt the peace that one should feel when sleeping, her mind could never switch off and allow her to just be peaceful. Even when sleep won over her mind it was always restless, full of images of Jianna. If she was lucky she would get the good ones, the ones of them talking, laughing, making love, however more often than not the image that haunted her sleep was seeing Jianna hanging from the beams of the prison, hanging like a rag doll. When those images appeared Joan would wake, feeling like something was crushing her chest, just getting her breath was hard. Panic and hopelessness completely overwhelming her, suffocating her. 

So many times she had thought of suicide, thought of just ending the ever present pain she felt. She could never do it, not yet, not until justice had been done. Maybe then, then she could know peace, be with Jianna. This is was the thought that kept Joan going. Soon, it would all be over soon!

Sitting up, she placed Jianna’s photo back on the bedside table. Taking a deep breath she readied herself for what today was going to bring. 

She showered, as usual she was meticulous with her routine, 120 seconds on her arm, 120 seconds on her leg and so on until her morning ritual was complete. If only she could cleanse her mind of the dirt as she could cleanse her body! 

Stepping into the spare room, she stared for a moment at the small thing curled up in the bed. Clearly exhausted from the night before Vera lay with her hair sprawled everywhere, her lips slightly parted and pushed to one side from the pillow. A purring noise coming out of her. “Jesus! She can’t even sleep elegantly!” Joan muttered to herself. She walked over to the window, stole another peek at Vera, and flung the blind open. The early morning sun light flooded into the room. Vera flung herself up in panic and covered her eyes from the bright light that had dragged her from her sleep, scrunching her nose with one eye shut and the other struggling with the wake up call Joan couldn’t help but grin. What a sight! 

“Morning Vera, I tried to wake you gently but you must have been completely wiped out!” A flush spread all over the small woman, her cheeks burning under the gaze of Joan. “ Don’t be embarrassed Vera, I saw more of you yesterday.” The goofy grin on Vera’s small face was just what Joan wanted to see. She was smitten, this was working, she hadn’t realised it would be this quick. She thought it would take longer to get Vera to give herself up, to surrender both her mind and body. This woman obviously craved someone to pour attention onto her. Desperate, needy! Joan ignored her father who was stood opposite her making snide comments about the snake in front of them.  
“Come, we are going to be late. I have laid the bathroom out ready for you. There’s a new toothbrush on the sink. Your have 20 minutes.” 

Walking out of the room Joan considered what her next move was going to be. She hadn’t expected Vera to surrender so easily, she hadn’t thought about how she was going to play this. She wanted to hurt her, no, not hurt, she wanted to destroy her, to break her as much as Joan herself was broken. But how? 

Vera emerged from the bathroom, and came downstairs to join Joan. Slowly she gripped hold of Joan’s waist, stood on her tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on the tall woman’s lips. “I want to thank you. The past few months have been difficult, but I have....God this sound ridiculous! I have always wanted this Joan. I have always wanted you. I’m glad you can forgive all that has happened. This is the happiest I have felt in such a long time.” Smiling down at the small prey in front of her Joan pushed a loose strand of Vera’s hair behind her ear and kissed the woman back. Slowly exploring her mouth. She felt Vera melt in her arms. So easy...so, so easy! When Joan had done she released the prey from her grip. “I’m happy too. Me and you are the same Vera. We need each other. We need to stick together.” 

Heading to work and with Vera in the car behind Joan talked to her father. “You need time to think about what you can do here Joan. She’s on your side, stay strong and keep her there. Make her love you. Then strike! Nothing makes a person weaker than love! You know that, you have learnt that yourself.” Joan looked at her father, he was right, love makes you weak. She would make Vera love her, that shouldn’t be hard, she’s almost there already! Then, and only when Joan was sure, then she would strike! Then she would make Vera feel pain like she had never felt it before!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

No More Mistakes

 

It had been four months since Joan had been reinstated at Wentworth. The board weren’t wrong when they said they were going to keep a close eye on her. Every decision she had made was scrutinised, every move she made watched closely. The hopelessness she felt was slowly taking over her. What was the point in staying here if she couldn’t do as she planned, if she couldn’t take her revenge. She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes, she thought of what she had actually managed to accomplish after all this time.

Her plans with Vera were working well so far. The deputy had taken quite the liking to staying at Joan’s house, she had become insatiable! Admittedly Joan was beginning to enjoy having the company, Vera seemed to be trying hard to understand her, she was becoming aware when Joan needed space, aware when she needed a distraction and aware that sometimes Joan just needed to be Joan. 2 months before, Vera had spent the night once again, only this time she had woken before Joan. Or so she thought, in actual fact the dark haired woman had only been in the room for about fifteen minutes. 

After hearing Vera crash around the bathroom for 20 minutes Joan could wait no longer. Standing outside the door she knocked. “Vera I need to use the facilities, are you done?” “Almost I just need to wipe things down!” The petite woman called back. “For goodness sake Vera just get out! I only clean it when you have done anyway!” She could feel the anger rising inside her. This was her house! Yet she had to sneak from bedroom to bedroom and couldn’t even pee when she needed to! 

The door opened and the deputy stood looking at Joan for some kind of reaction. The tall woman simply dragged her out of the way and slammed the bathroom door behind her. Vera stood for a moment outside the door a little amused that she had managed to make THE Joan Ferguson lose her composure!

Inside the bathroom Joan had now done what needed to be done and she headed over to the sink to wash. Looking down into the porcelain in front of her she could see a faint smear of blood. This was it! This would be her revenge. Vera had now admitted that she was in love with Joan. What better way of getting revenge could there be than for Vera to infect the person she loved with the disease that she so hated! Slowly Joan reached for Vera’s tooth brush, and sure enough she could see the blood settled on the bottom of the bristles! Joan stood for a moment bracing herself for what she was about to do. Slipping her nail into the side of her gum, she pushed it away from the tooth. As soon as she had done it she could taste the warm blood on her tongue. She raised the bloody toothbrush and started to scrub.

Joan invited Vera to stay every night at her place and every day Joan would do the same thing. Allow Vera to use the bathroom every night and every morning before her so that she could go in and brush her now aching gums with the infected toothbrush. After one month Joan woke up in the night pouring with sweat! Her stomach heaved as she vomited violently. She had been having stomach pains on and off for a few days. Now she was sure. 

Within a week Joan had seen the doctor and had her diagnosis confirmed. Stage one was complete.

Opening her eyes she looked and saw her father watching her. “Stay calm Joan your time will come.....soon!” 

Soon wasn’t good enough! She had already waited longer than she had planned. This was it! Joan Ferguson was going to take her revenge!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 

No More Mistakes 

 

Standing up, Joan straightened her jacket and headed over to her cabinet on the wall. Taking the key out of her pocket she unlocked it and removed her gloves. Her fingers traced over them, she raised them and taking a deep breath she smelt the scent of the leather. Immediately a wave of satisfaction spread throughout her body, her groin pulsated, her pupils dilated, this, this is what she needed. She slid the gloves under her jacket sleeve, and headed out of the door.

“Joan! Stop this! You are letting emotions take control. Play the long game. Don’t be a fool!” Joan spun around angered by her father. “A fool?! Is that what I am now? First a failure and now a fool! Always the disappointment! I don’t care anymore! Can’t you see that? I don’t need you telling me what a failure I am! I can see that for myself! I have known ever since I saw my Jianna hanging, ever since I failed in keeping the only person who ever thought I WAS good enough....ever since I failed to protect her and her beautiful, beautiful baby boy! Don’t you see? I don’t want anything anymore? I don’t care about the repercussions because I won’t be here to face them!” Turning away from her father Joan continued on, she had no idea what she was going to do but she knew she had to do something!

She needed to find Will he was last seen heading towards H4 so that’s where she was going. The tension inside her was raising, fear was starting to work it’s way through her body. So many thoughts rushed through her mind. What was she going to do? How was she going to get away with it? Stopping her fingers wound through her hair, pulling at it. Just as she thought she was loosing control a small hand slipped round her waist. 

“Joan. Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Vera gripped Joan’s face staring deep into the dark pools of her eyes, drawing the possessed woman to the present. “Vera!” tears pooled up and poured onto her cheeks. “ I’m a freak Vera. I have a deficit in me that I can’t correct. You’re not safe. Nobody is safe.” The deputy kept hold of Joan’s face, put the loose strands of hair behind her ear and planted a soft kiss on the taller woman’s soft lips. “You are not a freak Joan, you have had your issues sure! But I know you, I know how soft you can be, I know how you can love. You have me. You will always have me.” Vera took the taller woman by the hand and led her back to her office. “Come on. Here’s not the place, someone may see.” It was too late, they had already been seen.

Walking into Joan’s office the sexual tension that had built up on their walk back took over. The two woman began kissing passionately, tongues flicked wildly inside each others mouths. Joan rippled Vera’s jacket off in one swift move and then proceeded to remove her own. As she did the leather gloves fell out of her sleeve and onto the floor. 

“What are you doing with these?!” Vera demanded. “What were you going to do Joan? I though you had moved past this! I thought you were just misunderstood! I thought you loved me? I thought we were happy?” Seeing Vera in front of her like this made Joan realise that she did. She did love Vera. She didn’t even know when her feelings had changed. She had only set out to destroy this little mouse in front of her. Now though, now something had changed. Confusion etched over Joan’s face. When had this happened? “Vera, I..... I don’t know. I don’t know what was coming over me. Everything was just building up inside of me and I didn’t know what to do.” “Who was on the hit list this time Joan? Who had done whatever it takes in that fucked up mind of yours to warrant this? Who Joan?!” After what felt like was an eternity a small whisper escaped Joan’s mouth. “Will. Will Jackson. I couldn’t forgive him for what he did to Jianna. I didn’t think I could ever move past it Vera. I never thought I could love again. But just now with you, I know now that I can. I’m sorry. Forgive me?” The deputy calmly knelt and picked her Jacket off the floor. “Just? Just now? I have been practically living with you for months Joan! Did you not mean it when you said you loved me? Was it just another bit of revenge for you? Fucking answer me! You are right Joan you are a freak! You are one big fuck up! No wonder your father treated you the way he did! You don’t deserve to be treated any better! All this time I have been so scared! Scared that I wouldn’t be good enough for you! Scared that you couldn’t love me because of my illness! Fuck I was even scared that you would catch it!” “ I did! I did catch your dirty disease! I found out a few week ago. You infected me Vera!” Joan screamed back her absolutely livid at the words that the snake had just spat at her. Her rage building once again. “ Love you? How could I love someone like you? You are nothing Vera. You will forever be nothing but a deputy because you are fit for nothing more than being the shit kicker that you are!” Joan watched as tears spilled out of Vera’s eyes, turning towards the window she heard the door slam.

“I warned you Joan! I told you this would happen, you played your hand too soon you weren’t ready, you hadn’t planned properly and you allowed yourself to get feelings for that snake. You should have listened!” Joan punched the window, flung her chair across the room, picked her perfectly aligned pencils up and smashed them repeatedly into the desk. Her father was right. Vera was right. What had she done? No more mistakes! That was the plan, how had she allowed everything to go so wrong? She needed to fix this, she needed to find Vera. Checking the CCTV she looked for Vera, she couldn’t see her anywhere. Her gut wrenched, where was she? 

For 20 minutes she searched the prison, she had checked almost everywhere. The last place to look was the boiler room. Heading down the stairs something above her caught her eye. Glancing up Joan fell to her knees. “No! No! Please no!” Her body felt like it was getting crushed slowly from the inside, she couldn’t breath! There, hanging from the rails on the stairwell was Vera. 

After a few minutes numbness kicked in. She couldn’t do this. Not again. Standing she walked until she reached the CCTV office. One by one she turned the cameras off. She took her jacket off and placed it on the desk slowly tracing the shiny crowns that she had always thought belonged on her shoulder. Pressing the button on the desk she listened as her voice boomed throughout the prison. “Code black. Code black. All available officers to the stairwell immediately. I repeat code black. Immediate lock down.” 

After a few moments Joan stood and headed towards H4. Removing her security card from her trousers she opened the gate to the unit throwing a pair of scissors onto the floor. The woman had gathered in front of her. Joan held her head high. “ Do your worst.” As the women tore into her she simply laid there. There will be no more mistakes. No More pain. Only the peace she had always craved.


End file.
